Connection as Medicine

Emerging Theories of the nervous system now offer more nuanced understandings of the nervous system, moving beyond the simplistic dichotomy of aroused and calm states.

Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, offers a deeper understanding of how our nervous system responds to stress, safety, and connection. It moves beyond the traditional view of “fight or flight” or “rest and digest,” and introduces a more nuanced picture—one that reflects the layered, intelligent design of our bodies.

At the heart of this theory is the vagus nerve, which plays a central role in how we feel, relate, and respond. Rather than two simple states, Polyvagal Theory describes three primary pathways our system moves through: the ventral vagal state, where we feel safe, connected, and open; the sympathetic state, where we mobilise in response to threat; and the dorsal vagal state, where we shut down or disconnect when things feel too overwhelming.

These pathways don’t just shape how we respond to stress—they also affect how we listen, speak, make eye contact, and feel at ease in the presence of others.

Understanding them helps us recognise our own patterns. It gives us language for what we’re sensing inside, and helps us move toward greater regulation, connection, and trust—in ourselves and in our relationships. At its core, this work reminds us: feeling safe is not a luxury—it’s the ground from which everything else becomes possible.

Co-Regulation – Connection as Medicine

We are not meant to regulate alone. Co-regulation is the shared rhythm between nervous systems—the quiet, often wordless support we offer each other through presence, tone of voice, eye contact, and a sense of being truly met. When someone holds space for us in a grounded way, our own system begins to settle. This mutual exchange of calm and safety is what allows us to shift out of stress or collapse and return to connection. It is a deeply human, deeply needed part of how we heal and relate.