Softening the Push /Pull

Push-pull in meditation refers to the mental tension created by either striving too hard (pushing) or resisting experiences (pulling away). It describes the habitual tendency of the mind to either grasp at pleasant sensations or reject unpleasant ones, both of which seem to disrupt true presence and equanimity. For example, Pushing: Trying too hard to concentrate, force relaxation, or chase a specific state (e.g., bliss or deep silence). Pulling: Resisting discomfort, avoiding emotions, or rejecting distractions instead of observing them non-judgmentally.

Letting go is fundamental in meditation because it allows us to experience the present moment without resistance. When we hold on - whether to thoughts, emotions, expectations or identities we create tension and struggle within ourselves.

Many meditation traditions, especially mindfulness and Zen, emphasise letting go of this push-pull dynamic by inviting an attitude of relaxed awareness. Instead of forcing or resisting, the practice is to simply notice thoughts, emotions, and sensations as they arise and pass, allowing the natural flow of experience without attachment or aversion.

Embracing reality requires a certain level of acceptance and letting go, which doesn’t equate to giving up but rather to understanding and flowing with life’s natural rhythm. By releasing our grip on controlling every outcome, we create space for inner rest, and a listening that connects to the subtler cues in life.

When we argue with "what is," we're essentially resisting the present reality, trying to mould it into our expectations or desires. Resistance creates inner conflict, reinforcing the very thoughts we wish to escape. Instead of being present, we get caught in cycles of judgement and frustration. Letting go doesn't mean apathy; it means accepting reality as it is, which paradoxically gives us more freedom to respond skilfully rather than react impulsively.

In meditation for example, if something unpleasant arises - an uncomfortable emotion, a difficult memory or physical discomfort - and we fight against it, we amplify the distress. Arguing with what is means mentally saying ‘ this shouldn't t be happening’ what adds another layer of tension.